btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Every concussion has its silver lining
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
