I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
