ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
