I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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