I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
