She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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