Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
