i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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