I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
