come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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