just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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