so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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