I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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