I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
