I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
