Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
