When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Alive.
So much puke
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
