I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize