Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
