whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pants are for mortals
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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