Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
