my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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