I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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