i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
how do flat chested girls get laid?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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