I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
