i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
