I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize