I wish I could teleport
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
