Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
