I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
