just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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