There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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