Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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