Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
