I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
