Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's just like the Real World with babies
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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