Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
