real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I still have a little drunk in my system
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
