So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
