last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize