you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
