He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
