take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The Olympian is in my bed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
