Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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