If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
