dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize