My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
