My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
