I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
His nipple licking is glorious
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