and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
