I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
