So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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