i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
