Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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