Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Less talking, more tequila
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
