I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
