he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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