i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
