Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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