So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
