I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
