he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
