Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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