You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
