If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
