2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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