listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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